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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 425 (some duplicates have been removed)
>> stephen: tonight the fcc rules about whether i can talk about my pac on the air. spoilary all right, i'm talking about my pac on the air. then, can we trust pakistan to find out i'll close my eyes and fall into their arms. (laughter) >> stephen: and my guest timothy garton ash believes reporting the facts can change the course of history. then again, so can wikipedia. a french couple has adopted a 265 pound gor la. and in tomorrow's news, a french couple is malled by newly orphanned gor la. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! thank you for joining us. thank you, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: beautiful, thank you so much, everybody. you're too kind. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, thank you, thank you here, up there, i want to say i had to any half -- thieves who are joining us tonight. hope all your attacks are plus two. nation, tonight you are witnessing history so i hope you all remember where ar
presents: ♪ rock you like a sugar cane [cheers and applause] >> stephen: woo! woo! boom! woo! [cheers and applause] welcome to the show, everybody. [cheers and applause] lovely, that's lovely. thank you so much. welcome to the report begun everybody. [cheers and applause] as you can tell people are loving steve fest cobecella-011. let me start by saying -- [laughter] some of you you may understand that. folks brrk we get to the rock 'n' roll, nation, some news to touch on. nation, the republican race for 2012 is heating up. today, former obama ambassador to china. and current crest white strips after-photo jon huntsman got in the race. jim? >> i'm jon huntsman, and i'm running for president of the united states. we're not just choosing new we're not just choosing new leaders. we're choosing whether we are to be yesterday's story or tomorrow's. >> stephen: of course jon huntsman intends to be tomorrow's story. because for him, yesterday's story is, "hey, i work for barack obama." [laughter] and then huntsman perfectly described true americans. >> people secure in their rights and in lo
moment of zen. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by test. >> stephen: tonight, is there too much money in politics? nope. then everyone's talking about the news corp. phone hacking scandal. i foe because i checked their voice-mails. and my guest john prendergast is here to talk about the two-week old nation of south sudan. i will ask how long till it loses that new country smell. congratulations to the japanese's women soccer team for rescuing america from the brink of caring about soccer. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much! welcome to the report. thank you so much. good to you have with us. nation, you know i love a summer blockbuster weekend. i took the kids, brought our own snacks, quick tip, don't let the theatres gouge you on popcorn. do what i do. fill your pockets with unpopped colonels and a dozen cheap cell phones. no
.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: wow, welcome to the report. thank you so much! i got to tell you-- (cheers and applause) i tell you, folks, i-- i love that so much. i could hear it twice a night. nation, the debt ceiling debate drags on and on and frankly both parties have been acting like children. with the republicans saying gimme, gimme, gimme and the democrats saying take it, take it, take it, just don't hit me it is causing problems for both parties. yesterday john mccain attack the tea party for their naivete. >> the idea seems to be that if a house gop refuses to raise the debt ceiling a default crisis or gradual government shutdown will ensue and the public will turn en masse against barack obama and the tea party hobbits could return to middle earth having defeated mordor. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: then-- then mark meckler of the tea party patriots said of mccain clearly mccain has been corrupted by the ring of power. i got to say-- (cheers a
." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody. thank you so much. is (crowd chanting "stephen") >> stephen: thank you so much. thank you for joining us. thank you, folks. you know, that is really lovely to hear. you know, i am not one to call attention to myself. (laughter) but every time i go to google news and type in "stephen colbert" it seems like every story is about me. (laughter) no, this time it's about my relationship with former godfather's pizza c.e.o. republican presidential candidate herman cane. now, i have been a fan of herman cain ever since i saw his country-rocking campaign launch video. jim? ♪ get on board the herman cain train ♪ >> stephen: whoo! get on the herman cain train! (cheers and applause) folks, i love it because it rhymes. and it's much catchier than "step on into the ron paul shower stall." (laughter and applause) so naturally i was psyched when mr. cain agreed to come on my show. cain is going to be my guest on thursday, july 28. write that on your ipad in ink! (laughter) well, i ho
having defeated mordor. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: then-- then mark meckler of the tea party patriots said of mccain clearly mccain has been corrupted by the ring of power. i got to say-- (cheers and applause) i have got to say i am disappointed. this is a monumental issue that could affect the economy for a generation of americans. four days until the country could default and these clowns in washington are using the lord of the rings to say that john mccain is sauron, that is ridiculous, mccain is clearly saru mann. there he is. look, he lights up. he lights up s that not awesome? okay, now you see, saruman is in league with sauron back here, all right. he's in league with sauron who is actually obama, okay. and the hobbit, the hobbits aren't the tea party, the hobbits are cantor-- kantor and boehner, okay, and let's say lieberman just on appearances. and gandalf is the tea party right here, okay. you shall not pass legislation raising the debt ceiling! (cheers and applause) and then mccain is all-- ,-- the cave troll is, i don't foe but it's awesome. let's say nancy pelosi
.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, florida governor rick scott looks far way to increase his popularity. try telling everyone in boca you're their grandson. (laughter) then, ted nugent writes an op-ed. what's black and white and covered with the blood of small game? (laughter) plus, my guest is the president of americans for tax reform, grover norquist. i'm going to claim his as a dependent. (laughter) the supreme court ruled it's legal to sell silent video games to kids. get ready for grand theft tetris. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much. (crowd chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you! thank you so much. i had no idea that you guys could read cue cards. (laughter) welcome to the "report," good to have you with us, and thank you all for watching our last show before the earth swallows new york and drags it to hell. (laughter) because on friday the state legislature legalized gay marriage. now, i am not surprised governor cuomo signed the bill
by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight surprising revelations about the beatles. they may have run out of new formats in which you must rebuy all their music. and now the natural gas industry tries to counter bad press. i suggest blaming the gas on the dog dog. slav (laughter) >> then i sit down with the founding publisher of skeptic magazine, or so he claims (laughter) >> a new study found that men like to cuddle and another new study shows that men will say anything to dpet a researcher into bed. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: wow! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! good to have you with us. i got to tell you, that chant -- that chant was so good, that if i did not know better i would have thought you just practiced that. (laughter) nation, i hope you had a great fourth of july. i did. i blowed up [bleep] real good.
] [crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: nice! [cheers and applause] nice! [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. thank you. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. good to have you with us. folks -- [cheers and applause] we've got to get to this news. [cheers and applause] folks -- [cheers and applause] thank you so much. i understand. believe me i understand the feeling. this is how i start my day. [cheers and applause] folks we've got to get to it because america is rapidly approaching a day of reckoning that will have massive implications for all of us. because tomorrow is the deadline for owners of the nissan leaf to submit ideas for the official leaf wave that leaf owners will use when saying hello to each other. [laughter] obama's shown no leadership on this! [laughter] now, as a proud petroleum-american, i already have my own wave i use to greet electric cars. ka-pow. but -- [cheers and applause] but nissan is talking about the long tradition of owners of the same cars acknowledging each other on the road. for instance, jeep has
) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: wow! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! good to have you with us. i got to tell you, that chant -- that chant was so good, that if i did not know better i would have thought you just practiced that. (laughter) nation, i hope you had a great fourth of july. i did. i blowed up [bleep] real good. (cheers and applause) i celebrated with my annual fireworks show. i like to make it big enough to be seen from england. sends a message. (laughter) but enough about me, folks. let's get to the big news, me. you see before the break the fec gave me permission to form colbert superpac and collect unlimited donations. when i merged from that crowd my g-string was stuffed with dollar bills. and i wasn't even wearing a g-string when i started. so thanks to whoever donated that. and the media reaction has been overwhelming. with headlines like colbert superpac pushes the limits of election law. cole pert superpac good for government and good for us, and colbert is a superp
and applause] >> stephen: very nice. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for is joining us. that is the pure uncut stuff you just gave me. i wish i could cook you people up in a spoon. folks, we are only 16 months away from the 2012 presidential election. i'm as excited as a kid on the 483rd night before christmas. [laughter] and what's got me jazzed is that the republican field is brimming with superstars. i don't know how i'll decide between the ten of them. it's like an all-you-can-eat you got white bread, white rice, cream of wheat, potatoes, mash potatoes, boiled potatoes, potato flakes, mayonnaise, packing peanuts, and for dessert: herman cain. [cheers and applause] that was tasty. jimmy, give me some more of that sweet candy cain. ♪ he's a true son of the south born and raised the american way ♪ his dad was a farmer with clothes on his back but he raised some cain and never looked back herman cain ♪ oh, herman cain ♪ get aboard the herman cain train >> stephen: wooh! i am on board the herman cain
some resident resolution to this case, hadn't there? >> there has. >> stephen: does he have fangs? oh, my god he's not a difference maker he's a vampire. this story got good. go get 'em don. >> you are a hero to a lot of people and thank you for coming on. >> stephen: what? no -- don, ask him about being a vampire. do you see the little teeth right there? those are vampire teeth. he has -- ask him! ask him. i know what to do. come here. come on! let's go. taxi. [laughter] go. horn. this is how we -- the people with shops open, none of that is happening now. >> make sure you stay safe out there. we'll have much more on the flooding coming up. >> stephen: excuse me. >> what are you doing here? >> stephen: i have a question to ask you. >> i'm in the middle of a broadcast. >> stephen: who isn't? hold on sanjay. did you talk to a guy who foreclosed on a bank? >> i did. >> stephen: did you not notice he was a vampire? >> i did notice he had sharp thao *et. >> stephen: at no point did your journalistic instincts kick in and say that's a more interesting story. >> it's a lifestyle. >> stephen
>> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an illegal immigrant. my original guest was the american whose job he stole. who has two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself? this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you for joining us, everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] oh, that's nice. thank you for joining us. you know, once these people... once these people start chanting my name, you can't stop them. [laughter] folks, i want to say hello to everybody watching in america, especially to our viewers in italy. welcome. [cheering and applause] buenos aires. folks, tonight america sits helplessly by while we inch closer to a catastrophe. and i'm not talking about the debt ceiling. someone will do something about that. i'm talking about the hell storm about to hit los angeles, the li
't believe that, but i'm going to tellcaptioning sponsory comedy central >> stephen: tonight, big news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. very kind. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] thank you, very kind. nation -- [cheers and applause] i don't know actually -- thank you, please, please. please -- i have to -- i don't honestly know why i fight you. i like it more than talking. nation, as an american, i demand choice! whether it's 23 f
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 425 (some duplicates have been removed)

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